I meant to tell this tale a few weeks ago. Forgive the delay. What I witnessed at the Glitter Gym that day almost defies reality. Let me introduce you to a new character, who I will refer to as The Commando.


Arnold as The Commando. Our Commando is a scrawnier version.

I was doing weighted dips focusing on my form, when out of the corner of my left eye I saw a fast movement that looked like someone fell. Not just any fall. It looked like someone threw themselves down on the floor in front of the pinned weight equipment.

I finished my set and then looked over. It was behind a half-wall, but it happened again. I now could clearly see a man with something on his chest, throwing himself to the floor. I wasn’t wearing my glasses, so I couldn’t tell exactly what he was doing. I stepped back to get a better look. I didn’t want to miss this. But he was gone. I walked over to that area and he was nowhere to be seen. The guy disappeared.

So I walked back to my area and was setting up to start doing shoulder presses. I selected a set of dumbbells, turned around and then in a moment I will never forget, saw an adult male doing a Spider Man-like low crawl across the floor of the free weight room wearing a flak jacket. The guy could not have been more than a few inches off the ground and he moved pretty fast.

When he stood up I noticed the flak jacket was a weighted X-Vest. Now I was wondering what this guy was going to do next. His encore did not disappoint. He set up hurdles in the free weight room. From the squat rack, past the flat bench and over to the Smith rack. I recall thinking, this is going to be good! At that point he started diving in and around the hurdles like he was being shot at. Then he put away the hurdles, did some push-ups and left the gym.

Did I mention all this is going on in the free weight room?

Often in Tales From the Glitter Gym I will poke fun at the stupid or at ineffective training. I’ll also attack the inconsiderate. I can’t attack The Commando for either. He was doing highly functional body-weight (+ X-Vest) exercises. And surprisingly, he didn’t get in anyone’s way. My question is, why does he have a gym membership? All needs is a patch of grass and his X-Vest. Actually, he could find an Army recruiter and get paid to do his exercises.